I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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