you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
