I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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