I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
