My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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