They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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