Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
