these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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