dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dicks are not precious.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
