wanna go halves on a baby?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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