I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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