and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
