This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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