i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
