I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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