I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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