I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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