dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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