and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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