I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize