There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
