I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
