One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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