this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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