I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
