May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize