Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
