Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
