the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
