I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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