mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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