Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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