its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
