coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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