apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
