Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize