You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize