if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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