So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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