He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
