you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
