you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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