At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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