When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
