you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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