Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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