fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
be right there i have to get my cape
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
