Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
