i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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