I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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