Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
