I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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