this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
