im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
