You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
