I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Are we still banned from the library?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
