im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
