Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
