next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
