1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
