I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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