I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
