i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
