my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
