Me too!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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