Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
