He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
