Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
