you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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